v Epsom Taxes - 15th July 2008

Date: 15th July

Versus: Epsom Taxes

Venue: Ruxley Lane

Result: OC's win by 8 Wickets

Report:

After last weeks close game against the taxmen of Kingston, the rematch against their Epsom bretheren was on.

Skipper Bisson lost the toss and a rather strange thing happened, Epsom went in to bat first, although they having about 7 or 8 players at the time may have had something to do with it.

OC’s took to the field with James in place of Dan Reuben in the ever changing Rafa Benitez style squad rotation system. The “Spin Twins” Mahesh and Manuwar, as christened by Skipper Bisson, opened. The tone of the fielding appeared to be plenty of effort, poor application, this was set second ball when Manuwar bowled one down leg side and was played to the precognitive author on the Square Leg boundary (he usually fields between one and two) the author managed to save the boundary by getting his body behind the ball, when he says body, he means the unorthodox method of fielding with his knee!

So followed an innings where Epsom set their stall out by taking singles at every opportunity despite being pretty poor between the stumps and making the most out of poor bowling, misfields and a couple of failed run outs keeping the over rate at about 6 or 7 an over without threatening many boundaries. No one of the OC’s came out of this with any major glory or improvement to their bowling averages, apart from Beeks and a three ball spell from Reuben the father that absolutely bamboozled the batsman before putting him out of his misery first ball, shame his other 21 deliveries weren’t so good.

The entertainment in fact was provided before the game, in my work inbox anyway, by a run of 24 uninterrupted emails which sprang from a request for figures from the first two games due to Keeper Collett ,osing the scorebook. Thus begat a conversation where claims were made about scores and averages that would make Jeffrey Archer not claim to as too outlandish. This then evolved into comments regarding PG tips adverts, monkeys, sloths, pigs, Eva Cassidy, David Cassidy, Butch and Sundance The Rat Pack, The Boomtown Rats and the Prodigy! Needless to say if in 2000 years time, the equivalent of Tony Robinson and Time Team unearth some internet archive to see how we lived and our culture, there would be a mass scratching of heads.

Anyways, despite coming back to form with run outs in the last over, including a good one from yours truly, the OC’s had a target of 128 and already looked a beaten team, injured by numerous cuts of quick singles.

Maybe it was the knowledge that we were short of batsmen with Dan off sunning himself and Simon “Sloth” Parker propping up the bar injured that confidence was low, we required a good performance from Dave “Pot Bellied Pig” James and Simon “monkey” Knox.

Some tight initial bowling from the openers restricted Knoxy & DJ to about 5 an over but although they did not have the agility between the wickets for singles, they made up for it in boundaries which were applauded by the cheerleaders from the pavilion end. The change of bowlers showed that there was not much depth in bowling as the opening pair made hay while the sun was setting while taking on oxygen and water between innings.

One Epsom player had a minor chat with the author while at square leg saying he thought that a reasonable target was 150 and that he feared that 127 wasn’t enough which given the battering James and Knox were giving the ball was a reasonable statement as Epsom tempers frayed in a manner similar to the OC’s when they were misfielding.

Monkey boy eventually reached his 50 and celebrated in a manner similar to that of Clyde from “every which way but loose” as the game swung towards the OC’s favour. Knoxy eventually holed out for a great 76 with about 4 overs left and 10 to get. In came “test match” Trev to make a game of it as he appeared to face an over of dot balls which was strange given the quality of bowling on offer at the time, maybe he left the middle of his bat in the boot of his car, just like the scorebook!. James eventually knocked off the winning runs for a great 44 not out leaving OC’s victorious with 8 wickets and 2 overs to spare all doubts about an awful fielding and bowling performance erased, a close game with room for improvement.

Man of the match – Simon “Monkey” Knox, an absolutely great knock of 76 with a dodgy toe & thumb.

Champagne Moment – Ben Reuben’s three ball spell, utterly mesmerising, either that or the best timed thing from Knoxy which was dropping me off at Sutton station just as my train was coming in, ta Knoxy.